Ever since Dr. Jerry Buss’s death, the team cannot seem to avoid chaos
We miss you both so much….
One of my favorite Simpsons episodes, “Trash of the Titans,” opens with Homer carrying a huge bag of garbage outside to the trashcan. He mutters about “stupid trash, rotten, stinky,” then the bag tears and some gross liquid splashes onto his slipper. He screams “Ahh! garbage water!” He shakes his fist at the heavens and says, “You’re pushin’ me, baby!”
That’s how I feel about my beloved L.A. Lakers today. They’re pushin’ me, baby. In fact, they’ve been pushin’ me for a long time.
It’s been a bumpy decade and a half since Dr. Jerry Buss ceded day-to-day control of the team to his children during the 2010-2011 season. Lowlights include the horrifying Dwight Howard-Steve Nash experiment, the dark Mike D’Antoni years, Timofey Mozgov, the disastrous Russell Westbrook experiment, and the disappointing LeBron James era. When Kobe was killed in January 2020 (RIP, Mamba) it seemed like the team might be downright hexed.
Then came the positively head-exploding Anthony Davis-Luka Doncic trade in February 2025. So head-exploding was it that Luka himself looked shellshocked at the press conference announcing it. The team that over the decades had stolen Kobe, Shaq, Magic, Kareem, Wilt, and so many others, was back. While last season ended on a second round gentlemen’s sweep, it was entirely due to season ending injuries to Luka and Austin Reaves. No one was disappointed because the future looked bright.
Nine months later billionaire investor Mark Walter, the architect of the L.A. Dodgers renaissance that has seen the team win three championships in a decade, including back-to-backs in 2024 and 2025, along with a possibility of a threepeat this season (knocking wood, from my keyboard to God’s ears), bought the Lakers. With the Dodgers, Walter has demonstrated a maniacal devotion to winning, which is a prerequisite for success in the maniacally competitive world of big league sports. In his short time with the Lakers, Walter brought in a stacked new front office, invested heavily in data and analytics, and built new biomechanics, movement and rehab labs.
Luka was the next West-Magic-Kobe, and Walter was the new Dr. Buss.
Or so we thought for a few beautiful months.
As of yesterday, the chaos and anarchy are back. After barely 10 months, the team announced that Walter had sold the Lakers to Bob Iger, the former CEO of Disney, and Josh Kushner, the younger brother of Jared Kushner, Donald Trump’s son in law.
Walter has been all-in on the Dodgers, and then some. When it came to the Lakers, however, his attitude appears to be: “Nah.”
His statement to ESPN amounted to a slap in the face to fans: “Owning the Los Angeles Lakers has been one of the great honors of my life — an extraordinary investment, but what I will carry with me is the community, the fans, and a city that treats this team as family.”
Uh-huh. This is the equivalent of a guy zipping up his pants after a one night stand telling the girl, “I’ll never forget you” before sprinting out the door.
At least the “extraordinary investment” part is true. He made $2.5 billion in 10 months. Nice work if you can get it. Speaking of which, what happened in those 10 months to increase the team’s value by 25%? Are we witnessing the Walker Kessler bump? Are the Lakers the Anthropic of the sports world?
It’s enough to raise a question that should keep all of Laker Nation awake at night: Did Walter see something under the hood once he took over that spooked him? Or was the chance to make $2.5 billion in 10 months just too good to pass up? Or was something darker at work? More on that in a moment.
As if it all weren’t crazy enough, apparently Iger and Kushner, who previously were lead contenders to start an NBA expansion team in Las Vegas, made the decision in barely 72 hours.
Huh? That’s one hell of an impulse buy. My last impulse buy was a $2.99 Snickers bar in the checkout aisle at Pavillions. Then again, I’m not a multibillionaire.
Then again, it was a really good Snickers bar.
Adding insult to the chaos, Iger previously was a season ticket holder — with the Clippers. How do we even let the guy in the front door, much less as a co-owner? We should have teams of sharpshooters armed with tranquilizers on rooftops surrounding Staples Center prior to every home game to ensure Clippers fans can’t get in: “Kawhi jersey, Chick Hearn Plaza, left of the Kobe statue! Wind is 7 mph north-northwest. Adjust 5 degrees up. You’ve got the shot!”
Somehow, it gets worse. In his own statement, Iger said, and I quote directly, “I think it’s just premature to speculate at all about what we plan to do, because frankly, we haven’t made any plans yet.”
*Putting my forehead on my desk and pounding my fist*
You, Bob Iger, who have minimal experience in professional sports management or ownership, bought one of the most storied franchises on planet earth, one whose fans would run buck naked backward through cactus fields along the 10 Freeway from Venice Beach to Staples Center at rush hour in June to get to a game, who weep openly and without shame at the mere glimpse of a Kobe mural somewhere in L.A. — and you’re fucking winging it?!?!
Stupid trash, rotten, stinky….
Along with the Dodgers, Walter is keeping his stake in the L.A. Sparks. No offense to the ladies of the WNBA, but this is akin to looking in your garage at your two custom Bugatti Veyrons and your really nice Mercedes S Class, and deciding the good move is to ditch one of the Bugattis.
Did I mention that Kushner is the younger brother of Jared Kushner, meaning that the Lakers are now officially Trump adjacent?
*Pounding my forehead on the desk*
I. Don’t. Get. Any. Of. This.
Magic, ever the diplomat, tweeted, “Laker fans, you couldn’t have two better owners. I’ve known Bob personally for over 40 years – he has always loved the Lakers…”
Except, you know, he had fucking Clippers season tickets.
According to the California Post, “Iger has already reached out to [Jeanie] Buss and Lakers coach JJ Redick, whom he has known since Redick’s playing days with the LA Clippers.”
I have been a Lakers fan since the dawn of my conscious life. Never have I heard the words Lakers and Clippers spoken in such proximity and so frequently.
*Slumping under my desk in the fetal position*
It is, of course, completely, totally, 100% coincidental that Walter currently is under federal investigation for billions of dollars in undisclosed loans made by two Delaware-based life insurance companies he owns to other companies with ties to him. These are known as “related-party transactions,” and require disclosure. In other words, Walter is in the midst of a federal probe into potentially massive loan fraud.
There is much, much more going on here than is being publicly reported. This is Trump-in-a-catering-truck level duplicity. Despite his happy tweet, Luka must be wondering what he’s gotten into.
The $12.5 billion price tag makes this the biggest transaction in the history of professional sports. It’s roughly the equivalent of the entire NBA’s league revenue last year. For a team that’s made it to the conference finals twice in the last 15 years and won a single (*asterisk) championship in the 2020 Covid bubble season. You do the math.
Seriously, look at this chart and compare the team’s successes during the Jerry Buss era (1980-2010) and since. You’ll see a giant white space in the postseason since 2010.
And now we’re owned by Mr. Mickey Mouse and Mr. Trump Adjacent.
Sigh. Fucking sigh.
I hope I’m wrong. I fervently hope I’m absurdly wrong. I hope the L.A. Times’s Bill Plaschke is wrong.
Dr. Buss, where art thou?
*Slamming my forehead on my desk*
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